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Better ideas for the Boys: with all the poses he struck, Hitler would have made a good artist's model (although a somewhat somber one). And Lenin, who was a very good athlete, might have taken up basketball. He had a pretty good 3-point shot--as long as he was cheating by standing on a pedestal.

GOD IS NOT ONE OF YOUR FAVE 5

You see the light, but it is the morning sun on the wall in a basement stairwell. You are not on a stairway to Heaven. Many thousands of years ago someone had a great idea: include God in your Circle of Friends. That way you can tell people who aren't God that He talks to you--and only you--and tells you what He's thinking. There'll be 5 bars on your iPhone when the Creator of the Universe gets back at ya. As an ayatollah in Iran Allah will text-message you and tell you to ban dogs, because they are unclean, and the West has many of them. As President of the United States God will voice-mail you and give you permission to invade Iraq. As a nut job on a mountaintop in Idaho Jesus will e-mail you a photo of himself in camouflage nailing a "govmint Jew" to a tree. If you think God talks to you, I have news for you: call the Geek Squad. Your Smart Phone has a virus.

A GOOD IDEA THAT WILL NEVER DIE

This pretty puppy was adopted by a 60-year-old psychiatrist- colonel in Iraq, who became the oldest U.S. soldier to be killed there. He and the puppy were the best of friends. The colonel's brother, a sergeant stationed in the States, has agreed to adopt the dog to feel connected to his fallen brother-in-arms. I remember seeing a movie in the Fifties about the Normandy invasion. An American G.I. adopted a duck he encountered on a French farm. When the duck was killed, he had a nervous breakdown. A soldier in a combat area will grasp at anything to keep from going insane. Despite what those on the Right say, war is not a natural human condition. If it were, we--and puppies--would all be dead by now.